We all know the old saying, “Tell me what apps you use, and I’ll tell you who you are.” The applications we use on our phones are the accoutrements to our personalities – they’re like Christmas tree ornaments, or awkward family secrets, everybody’s got them, but it’s in the subtle differences where we all express our unique brand. So when we are looking at the apps we use on our phone, what we are really doing is taking a look at who we are. Shall we be kings of wasted time, or titans of productivity? We’ve assembled a list of the top 20 apps you don’t need to help guide you on your quest to answer that question.
- Buzzfeed: Listen, chances are your gmail is filled with every Buzzfeed post worth looking at by the end of every work day, so the only thing you gain with this one is being the first to see the cute cats and celebrity gifs. Being first isn’t always best – delete this app.
2. Reddit (iAlien, etc.): Reddit is amazing, we all know this, but if you’re into reddit enough to have an app, the temptation to check the front page every ten minutes will be overwhelming. Do we value upvotes over a productive day? That’s the question – lose this app and keep reddit where it belongs: on your laptop screen in the dark when you can’t sleep.
3. Groupme: For those of us with friends scattered around the country, this app can hold a lot of emotional attachment, but it can also waste huge amounts of time in your day. The good news here is that you can just go into the settings, turn your notifications off, and catch up at the end of the day. If you’re still too tempted with the notifications off, I’m sorry to say it, but this one’s got to go.
4: Snapchat: Why don’t we all take a moment and try to think of a time we received a snapchat that we absolutely needed to see. If you’re stumped, you’re not alone – it has literally never happened.
5. Candy Crush: Not only is this game so 2013 – that number is also equivalent to the number of hours the average crusher wasted on this game in the past year (according to a study I just made up), that’s almost 84 days! Delete this one for the sake of your productivity, and for the sake of your friends’ sanity who are sick and tired of getting your requests.
6. Tinder: If you’re suave enough to pick up romantic partners on Tinder, you’re probably capable of doing it in real life – so kick it classic and delete this app.
7. Instagram: Much like Buzzfeed, people will show you every Instagram worth seeing (and a thousand that aren’t), so the only reason to have this app is to measure your self-worth by likes, not by how much you get done in a day.
8. Your Fantasy Football App: Italian food, space travel, fantasy football. Yes, we all understand that those are the three most amazing accomplishments of human kind, but that doesn’t mean we need to waste three hours a day setting and resetting our lineups on our phones.
9. Angry Birds: This game is almost like an ‘OG Iphoner’ badge – it’s a classic, there’s no denying it, but you should still delete it. Maybe with all the time you save, you’ll produce something with the influence and staying power of the game itself. Wouldn’t that be grand?
10. Netflix: Nope. Not on the phone – keep it at home, The Walking Dead will still be there. CARL!
11. Kim Kardashian: Hollywood: Other than exposing a very uncomfortable truth about our culture (people are obsessed with this game: http://observer.com/2014/09/i-just-want-to-rise-to-the-top-grownups-go-mad-playing-kim-kardashians-video-game/), this app does nothing than waste millions of hours of precious time.
12. Hulu Plus: Listen, television addicts – I understand downloading this one, or Netflix, for a day while you’re on a bus or a plane, but they should not have a permanent place on your screen. We need to stop spending so much time consuming other people’s hard work and do our own.
13. Minecraft: This game is number 3 on Iphone’s list of top paid apps ($6.99!). That means too many people are playing it, spending money on it, and wasting time on it. If you love the game, why not keep it to your home PC, and leave your days open for noble toil?
14. Grubhub: Seems quick and easy right? Just find a restaurant, order with your thumb, and voila! Food’s here. NOPE. Italian, Indian, Mediterranean, Pizza, Chinese, Vietnamese, smoothies, juices, salads, burgers . . . I could go on, and that’s the problem. You’ll spend your whole lunch hour deciding what to eat, and not eating.
15. Flow Free: A deceptively complicated game with an hypnotic interface that will suck up your day while you stare at it in a trance? This one is a bit like heroin, sure it might be cool once – but is it worth it?
16: Quiz Up: The fact that you’re competing with your friends and strangers in this trivia game is what makes it so lethal. Here’s the bright side: if you don’t have the game, you’ll never lose!
17. Dots: A.k.a. catnip for humans. Avoid.
18. Hold On!: The fact that this app exists might mean we’ve come full circle with the smart phone. It was an amazing, exciting ride, but if where we’ve landed is a ‘game’ where you try and see how long you can hold your finger on your phone – I can’t be a part of it anymore. I’ll go back to my eighth grade Nokia and my trusty snake game.
19. Amazon Shopping: Our phones are on us at all times. Think about that – all times – meaning when we are sad and upset, when we are bored, when we are intoxicated. Doesn’t sound like a good place to have an app where you can spend lots of money with one finger.
20. MLB.com At Bat: How did people follow sports or get the score of the game before smart phones? Answer that question, and then delete this app.